Hi, its me again!

This year is tough on the heart. I have lost a couple of 'things' that are valuable to me.  Or about to.

First, my sister has to go to tread on her own path which does not include me.  Lets just say, she is going somewhere where I cannot follow.

Then, a friend went away.

Then, I have let go of a dream, a dream to go back to stay at my ideal location. Where I have dreamt for a long long long time, of  having a place I call  home.  No place of belonging for me now. I belong to the whole planet earth, I guess.

Then, I have let go of  my ideals. Not one, but a few.  Most of the time I see what I want to see, and not  how things really are. I do this because I have these ideals  and in order for these ideals to be fullfilled, I need people to be in a certain way, which in reality, they are not.  So finally, my ideals have to go

I give up many things that make up a huge part of my heart. When you go through things like this, you are taught to read, Innalillawainna ilaihi roji'un.  Allahuma ajurni fi musibati, wa akhlifli khairun minha.  (Sesungguhnya kita milik Allah, dan kita akan kembali kepadaNya. Ya Allah, berilah aku pahala atas musibah yang menimpaku dan gantilah untukku dengan yang lebih baik darinya.)

Everything changes whether you like it or not. If you cannot hang on, you let go and let it be.