My rock and it's shimmering light.

It's sad when a building becomes your rock and not a human being.

Masjid Sultan Salahuddin Abdul Aziz Shah aka Masjid Negeri is my rock.

When my Mum passed away and my Dad grieved in the form of giving me a cold shoulder, I had no one. And no where to go.  When I decided to come back here I felt so lost and alone.  Everywhere had some sad memory attached to it.  Everywhere I looked pained me.  The only place free from pain was Masjid Negeri. For many years, even before going to KB, this mosque had been my sanctuary.

But alas, something had to happen .  When the mosque authorities decided to close down the classes of which I have been attending for 2 years, they broke that special link.

But like all real and strong links, it does not break completely.  How ever bad I feel  but as I drive into Shah Alam and see the first sight of this majestic monument during the day and its shimmering lights during the night, standing unchallenged  in  look and stature, it is still my favourite and magical  place.

Now Masjid Negeri has a new 'culture'.  It is no longer a place only for solumn business of worship, piety and knowledge,  it has bazaars in its vicinity. So it became half suq (market place) and half masjid.  I cannot say I like it this way but I have always like buzz.  And this place is buzzing at night, what more during the coming of Syawal.

I love to pray terawih here.  The booming of the Imam's beautiful recitation, the large congregation and the familiarity plus the  programmes for puasa month  which includes free bubur lambuk, berbuka,  moreh and also free sahur pulls people from all walks of life.  A new trend of picnic at the mosque for berbuka has also started. Families comes with baskets of food and mats and goes back after completing their  terawih. Last night on my way to the car park, I bought myself  mango juice which tasted so good.  Reminding me of a tradition of ours during umrah.  Mango juice after prayers.

By the way, its already the 22nd day of Ramadhan.  The most auspicious month of the year is  leaving us pretty soon. Lets make the best out of these 8 days.  Selamat Beramal!

Klinik Iman 2

Kita kembali pada post saya baru-baru ini tentang klinik iman.

Alhamdulillah, Allah swt membantu saya dalam dilema saya mengapa iman saya merudum bagaikan sebuah avalanche di kutub utara.  Saya ceritakan di sini di mana silap saya.

Sebelum itu, pernah guru saya, seorang mu'alim besar, Ustaz Aleh Solihin telah memberitahu kelas kami suatu ketika dahulu, bahawa, jangan sekali-kali  kita patah balik dari jalan Allah swt.  Jika kita berbuat demikian, kita akan mendapat kesusahan dan penghinaan.

Saya tidak pernah berniat untuk patah balik, sekali-kali tidak, tetapi saya selalu bercadang untuk sederhana dalam amalan saya dan  secara jujur, saya takut untuk menempuh jalan 'warak'.  Saya rasa saya masih tidak mampu dan masih kurang ilmu. Ini bukan masaalah patah balik tetapi masaalah saya ialah untuk gerak ke hadapan. Ustaz Aziz di masjid cabang empat di Kota Bharu pernah berceramah bahawa, umpama barang,  orang yang kuat boleh mengangkat yang berat. Boleh dukung dan laksanakan perintah yang berat. Orang lemah tak mampu, boleh bawa yang ringan sahaja.

Akan tetapi, istilah sederhana saya itu lah yang saya dapati silap dan salah, selepas berfikir panjang.  Sederhana saya sebenarnya bukannya sederhana, tetapi lemah iman.

Tidak apa kalau lambat, asalkan sembahyang. Tidak apa tidak menjaga mata, kerana itu perkara biasa. Tidak apa mengikut orang demi menjaga hati. Tidak apa kita tak dapat buat apa yang patut di buat, kerana orang lain pun tidak buat juga. Saya hanya manusia biasa, bukan wali.  Demi itu dan demi ini.

Lama kelamaan hati semakin berkarat dan saya dapat rasai sudah ada yang tidak kena pada iman saya. Mujur dalam hati ini seolah  ada jangka-iman, boleh dapat rasanya naik atau turan.

Oleh sebab itu, terpaksa lah saya ambil pendekatan serius walaupun pahit.  Banyakkan taubat.  Ikhlaskan hati kerana Allah. Berhenti memandai-mandai. Stop Now. Dan sedar bahawa agama bukan bahan untuk kita olah sesuka hati. Jangan ingat ia disesuaikan dengan diri kita tetapi diri kita kena di sesuaikan padanya.  Jika terasa payah, mesti ada sesuatu yang kita kena ubah pada diri kita, bukan kita mengubah agama untuk diri kita.

Saya telah tiba pada satu kesimpulan bahawa, tidak ada kompromi dalam  beragama walaupun pintu keampunan Allah sentiasa terbuka.


Harap-harap belum terlambat. Doakan daku.

The B and the P

It finally arrived.  In a big way. With a bang. And a crash.

My BP. Blood pressure.

Before this I never knew how your blood can pressure you. I only hear others suffering. I have high cholestrol and high this and high that but my bp was usually ok. Until....the accident on that fateful night. Then it shot up to 159/90. I was dizzy most of the time, I feel the back of my head clutching and hard to focus. Twice I did not notice the steps and fell. Bad.

So I rested to relax and to bring down the bp. Cut down the 'God knows what' running around to half. Was not doing great.  A week later still high.

Two weeks later only slight changes. I felt I have to seriously rethink my life. I cannot afford this bp.  I have to change my diet.  I have to change my lifestyle.  I have to change.

For starters I chose to be a better servant to Allah since I might go to see Him quicker with this bp. I said  "Ok, Allah, I will pull up my socks".

I started to mend where I have slacken terribly.  Pray earlier, read more Quran. Leave the frivolous.

Now, I feel my bp has gone down.  Alhamdulillah.

Nothing comes easy.

I just came back from terawih prayers at Masjid Negeri. My first terawih at the mosque on the 18th day of Ramadhan.  The first few days I was travelling, than, I "was on leave". Could not make it any earlier because I was busy as always, doing God knows what.

Yesterday I was trapped in a raining jam from Ampang.  What I thought would all in all take me the most, 4 hours, took me 8 long hours.  I broke my fasting in the car.  My leg cramped from changing the clutch too many times. Tears streamed down my face. I was hungry for rice.  I reached home too tired to eat.  The padlock would not close and I need to use it since I am alone in the house.  I was making funny noises at the verge of more tears. Then I realized, this is my 'once a while ' jam experience. Other people have to go  through it EVERYDAY.  Nothing comes easy.

Keeping these cute cats is not easy.  Other than the time they make us go mushy and fuzzy over how cute they are, there is also a part not cute at all.  That is when you have to clean up their poop everyday, wipe their fur ball puke, and wash the poop off them.  The other day when I was geared to go for terawih, Gio-gio came back drenched in black, smelly drain water. He must have fallen in the drain or  ended in the drain from the cat fights. I let out a cry from the sight of him, boiled water quickly and bathed him until he is clean and cute again. Our cats wake us up everynight to give them food.  Mimi and I have never slept soundly ever since we have them.  Sleeping behind closed doors does not help, Shu-shu scratches the door until we wake up. But....when I  look  at Shu-shu sleeping on Mimis' right and Gio-gio on her left and Tutty hidden somewhere  in the comforters, we accept what comes with having them.

With the garden and the cats, I cannot leave the house for long.  When I told Mimi I was going to KB when she is off to Thailand for her dental gig, she said, "Ma, what about the cats?".  I said, "I cannot give priority to the cats over your sister!" But then again, Picipu is grown up, while these cats needs feeding and cleaning and the plants needs watering. Sorry Peaches. (Picipu is actually from the word 'peach', not Pikachu's cousin).

So, as En Salleh ( a 'tall' man) said, when we do something, we must have 3 things in mind. To do it with patience, to do it with sincerity and  to do it with compassion. All not easy. But do we must.

Selamat meningkatkan ibadat

SELAMAT MENINGKATKAN IBADAT PADA MALAM-MALAM TERAKHIR RAMADHAN.

Garden herbs omelette and saving the tomatoes

I am no longer content making my omelette with onions and chillies like we usually do the whole of our lives. One day, I thought of adding the herbs I have in the garden in it  (chives, mint, dill, basil ) and Viola! I will not want it plain again. The omelette was fragrant and delicious,  the herbs diminish the smell and taste of the yolk, adding alot of flavours to otherwise, an eggy dish.

Yesterday I noticed some of the tomato plants are shrivelling and drying up. Oh No! I have to do something to save them.  These are the fruits of my life. Those who knows me  ever since I was young, which is few, would know that I consume tomatoes raw and plenty. Aishah takes that after me. She too eats tomatoes like apples.

Eventhough I was fasting,  I have to do as the book says. Tomatoes need a lot of soil.  And I guess the make-shift pots won't do.  But how do I make a bigger bed for the tomatoes. I have no choice but to make it from the bricks.  So I piled up the bricks that seemed heavier during the puasa month, into a small retainer by the wall. I will buy some soil and manure to fill it up. Before that,  I dug up holes to put the plants in.

In gardening, the fun part was plotting the patch and planting little seeds and little seedlings.  It a joy watching it germinate, producing its first shoots and grow steadily.  After that comes the difficult part. Maintaining and keeping it healthy and productive. Some thrive, some does not even when you treat and tend them all the same way. Why??  I asked. Hajar said, "rezeki, Mama." I guess.  But I will do my best to save all these rezeki.  That takes hard work, and know hows.  Maybe I have to use the pesticides which I am hoping I do not have to. Planned on going organic.

I remember when I was young and there were many tomato plants in the pots around the house. Being impatient and impulsive,  I would pick the fruit green and eat them.  My late mother would get angry for no fruit could get ripe for her to see and enjoy. Now, with these plants in my garden, the distinct smell of the tomato plant and leaves are the same as ever.  It all comes back. Just from that smell alone. The sneaking, the plucking and woofing down the fruit before the old people shout.  "JANGAN PETIK!  BIAR MASAK DULUUUUU"!!!.

I really really hope I can save the tomatoes. Selamat Berpuasa.

Fish and garden

Yesterday after a ten steps only stroll in my edible garden, Kak Ann, my sister-in-law, asked me to buy her a few seedlings at the morning market.  Hihi, Hajar and I have inspired her with our little project.

I feel a sense of accomplishment welling in my heart.

Looking at other people's site on edible gardens makes me want to plant more. Plant what we do not have. What we think is hard to grow.  Just try. My motto when I was a teacher. Just try.

Is there a course that I can go to learn more or shall I get books or just learn from internet?

Take a look at other people's edible garden. Awesome kan?

.

Recycling vs spending

A facination in recycling and improvising

Adi thinks I am stingy. Me? stingy? Okay....Maybe I am. After all I am my dad's daugrhter.  And to me, he is stingy.

Both my parents were poor.  They had a hard deprived childhood.

That hardship never left them.  Especially my great grandmother who brought me up.

Mok kept everything. Nothing should be wasted.  She loved to keep bottles which she called 'jebo' (please pronounce properly) and that trait, I followed.  I keep them too, which I call 'jars'.

Other than realizing the aspect of saving , to me there is an aspect of creativity in it all too.  And at times of economic gloom like this, (which might get gloomier) we should find ways to minimize spending and maximize saving, so I very much so believe in recycling.

In my garden,  I make use of plastic bottles, tins and containers for pots.  So you see a jumbled, whatever goes and eclectic sort of a garden. Butter cookies tins holding the pegaga and sireh.  Daun sup in the toiletries holder.  Tomatoes growing from cut plastic bottles. As soon as I can figure out how to use the drill, I will make more pots from whatever is old and cracked or chipped that I can get hold off. There is the paint palette that we no longer need from painting this house.  The old pails and 'gayongs'.  The cooking pots that have holes in them.  These will all be holding some plant or other one day.  And I am sure if I ask around, I will get more.

So far, I find  gardening and recycling the second most fullfilling,  compared to the array of things that I do.

Okeh! Next change, will show the pictures.

The cats' antics

Gio-gio the supercat

Na's cat, Pak Abu who knows life at the condo includes going up and down in a lift

Gio-gio smuggled into a hotel in an ikea bag because of blackout at home

Shu-shu refused to be put in the hotel's toilet with the others

Tutty will always go for the soft comforters 

Kakak Kucing who loves cats and the cats love her

Love is looking at the same direction.

Endangered species.

My cousin Kak Ani is a person whom  from young is diligent. In every way.  She would do what ever that needs doing.  She would study when she has to, help her mother with house work, does all sorts of activities and hobbies and never seem to be tired.  My  congratulations to Mak Long who has produced such a fine woman.

I dropped into their household when I was 12.  The 3 years with them have a very strong hold on me. People rarely guessed I am half Kelantanese.  And my constant drop-ins these days to check on the old lady had brought back memories I thought no longer existed.  When Kak Ani came to break fast with Mak Long and I day before yesterday, being together preparing food  brought back memories of us, as girls,  helping Mak Long in the kitchen 36 years ago. Yes, 36. She was going for her training at a Maktab Perguruan and I was a student shipped off to Johor Bharu by my parents.

Kak Ani's  last vocation was as School Principle.  Out of  all 5 of her children,  except the youngest who is in medical school, they have obtained their Master's  or in the midst of their Masters or applying for their Masters.

If you see her, she does not have the airs of a successful person she is, for her heart has always been for her home and family. Slim and simple, always so proper.  She would find time to make delicious  kueh talams for tea .  Would 'sembat' her daughters' baju kurungs in the teacher's room.  Would make her own delicious biscuits for hari-raya, her capabilities are endless.

If I could be half like her.  As a single parent I am thinly spread out.  That is the excuse I give myself.

Probably if she is in my place, she would still be what she is today......

I feel like telling her I am so proud of her, dulu, kini dan selamanya. But shy to say it.  My cousin sister who has achieved so much, mainly a result of sheer diligence that I knew so well and admire so much,  since 36 years ago.

Klinik Iman

Iman ku sakit.  Mungkin juga tenat. Sebabnya saya rasa ada sesuatu yang tak kena dengan iman ini. Ia semakin lemah untuk beramal.  Alhamdulillah saya masih boleh bezakan apabila iman saya ok dan apabila iman saya tidak ok, walaupun penurunan dalam iman dan lupa kepada ilmu-ilmu yang sekian lama di cari adalah sesuatu yang amat tidak baik dan sangat di takuti oleh orang yang beriman. 

Tak tahu apa sebabnya.Atau adakah saya tahu tapi buat-buat tak tahu?  Adakah sebab saya beri tumpuan  kepada perkara lain?  Atau adakah perkara lain yang memesongkan tumpuan dan kuderat saya?  Adakah kerana kelemahan 'time management'? Ataupun sebab2  fizikal seperti kekurangan vitamin dalam diet saya yang menyebabkan  saya tidak cukup tenaga?

Apakah  yang harus saya buat? Seriously.  Okay, pertama, istighfar banyak2 dan bertaubat sekiranya saya telah alpa dengan sengaja.

Jika tidak, saya harus  betulkan priority saya. Yang mana lebih utama dan yang patut di dahulukan?  Apa harus di teruskan dan apa yang harus di hentikan, tidak pun, di kurangkan.

Mungkin saya patut kaji selidik di mana saya telah silap langkah dan salah percaturan.

Mungkin saya mesti periksa balik apa yang telah saya makan  kerana makanan jasad kita ini jika tidak halal dan toyibah akan menyebabkan hati kita hitam dan keras. Juga jika kita tidak berhati-hati dengan apa yang kita baca lalu  menerima bulat-bulat mesej-mesej yang tersurat dan tersirat tanpa kembali kepada apa yang hak dan batil  juga boleh mempengaruhi perbuatan kita.

Saya kena overhaul iman saya.  Haruskan saya lakukan secara drastik atau secara beransur-ansur?  Nilai balik semua perbuatan saya dari titik penurunan dan dengan tekun halusi apa y;ang saya buat sekarang yang saya tidak lakukan dahulu.  Think hard, very hard. Evaluate and reevaluate.


Dan yang paling penting, ikhlas dalam penilaian ini dan berani untuk membuat pembetulan walaupun sesusah mana pendekatan yang patut di ambil dan sepahit mana akibat-akibat yang akan di rasai.

Juga tak kurang penting untuk menjaga setiap anggota dari perkara yang menjauhkan kita dari kerethaan Allah.

Ya Rob, Ya Rob, Ya Rob. Bantulah aku.

How it has grown

 

                                                   At the beginning
               

Now after constant watering and care

This sunny small patch has grown into........

a much loved edible garden