Little Ladies Part 4

This morning,  in her usual hurried self, Mimi unpegged her lab coat from the clothes line to take to classes. Today is hospital day where her class will be at Selayang Hospital to study the illnesses and patients. I took the coat from her to iron it eventhough she was late.  We went through so much already, she cannot wear a crumpled coat, can she....

So I put it on the iron board and ironed it lovingly. It has her name embroidered above the pocket. Alhamdulillah, we have a lab coat. A sign that someone has worked and studied very hard. A sign someone has passed many exams and used many cells in her brains. A young scientist is amongst us and if she passes more exams and join more of her brain cells,( as the milk advertisement indicated on TV)  she would be a dentist one day.

I have been blamed for pushing my girls too hard.  I don't think that is true. During Aishah's final medical exams, she was really down, I told her to be a nurse.  Nursing is also good. Don't have to drive yourself nuts just to be a doctor.  Is anything worth losing your mind over? But she did not give up.

It has taken a toll on Mimi's health too, being anaemic and all.. If it is too much, just be a photographer, Mimi.  Since she is really good at it. Its okay , most important, your livelihood is HALAL. She too is not giving up.

I believe we should do our best in what we do.  For our religion, family, race and nation. But your best, my best,  or anyone's best for the matter, varies.

Are we doing our best? I can surely say, not really....

After thoughts.

I woke up today, feeling like dying. Thinking of the past makes me feel so sad.

How can things be so bad and go so wrong? Hajar said to me "La Tahzan, ma".  Sigh...Yes, I suppose, La Tahzan (Do not feel sad).

Reading the posts on Little Ladies Mimi said, "Ma, I still remember for one concert, I was supposed to be butterfly but we went somewhere and I ended up being a flower", and acted the part swaying like a flower blowing in the wind. Except that now, at 21, she looks more like a palm tree blowing in the wind.  I am sorry Mimi, you lost your part as a butterfly but Mummy nearly lost her mind.

I thank Allah Subhanahuwataala for helping me every single moment. I dedicate the song 'Thank you Allah by Maher zain' to Allah. (boleh ke? sounds strange)

One makcik asked me to doa in tahajud while looking out of the window.  I have looked at thousands of night skies that I can recognise some stars.

In the book Wasiat Abdul Kadir Jailani wrote 'berjalanlah mengikut takdir kamu, supaya kamu tidak akan musnah' meaning that we should accept what happens to us with a willing heart for if we fight against our takdir, it would finish us.

Someone said. lie low and pray alot until it all rides out.

I read a book that said sleep can help take off the edge of the pain. Sleep can help restore the damage. So if you see me sleeping at the wrong time, please blame the book.

I also read to let the pain pass through until it is gone.  Do not stop or control it.  Let the pain sing its song in our hearts. Cry. Wallow. Then it will  slowly go away and will not get to our heads. (This works)

Sabar and syukur. Not the words but the action.

Always learn where you went wrong.

Go counselling like I did.  I thank the doctors for their patience.  'The man with a book' is one of them.

Little Ladies Part 3

I have to tell you that when my marriage was on the brink, my parents divorced.  That amplifies everything. It was a family's massive destruction. Everyone and everything was falling apart.

But the girls and I had a life to live.

When they were schooling in PJ, they would take the public bus home, at the time called Sri Jaya buses, now no longer existing on the road.  At the office I would worry like hell whether did they get on the right bus, not to mention the long walk to the bus stop in the hot sun.

One day the teacher called. Nothing serious. He said, Aishah seemed very quiet in school, could he put her in the chest club?  Chest club? Of course he can. Just the thing for her. ( Now she is rather good at it).  But right away  after the call I quickly ran to the toilet because I couldn't control the tears.  Someone cared.

When using the school bus, Hajar always missed it. That time she was in Form 1. She would call me at the office and said, "I am going by cab" and I would worry like hell if she would arrive safely, is the cab driver a good man.

Mimi  in Std 1, everytime she is late to school and the prefect asked her the reason, she would  say a standard excuse  'Kakak terlewat', even when Kakak is not longer in that school.  Once I was late, the class teacher said she went to search for her in the teacher's room and sat with her.

My hair turned white before time.

We did not have the luxury of consistance and order, where someone  is there to pick the children, someone is there waiting at home, it was living from day to day as keylatch children and frenzied mum. Being a piece of a broken family, broken from ties and during when the stigma was still prevalent, as a single parent, broken too from society.

Other than the children's future, one more thing I had made sure,  that the girls are happy at home,  even when it means no rest for mummy. Read books, play games, colouring, drawing, going to the park, playroller blades, buy cartoon videos and cds (we watch every walt disney cartoon movies), go to shopping malls and spend good money on ice-cream (10rm was good money) and burgers, whatever we could afford. Sending them for tuition, even when that means no nice clothes to go to work in, just picking up the best buys and pray they match. Pink and purple will do,orange and green also can. Tuition was priority in the expenses.  Especially exam years.

Only now I can spend on clothes but close to 50 years , who would notice me?

Little Ladies part 2

Our divorce was peaceful.  He took the car and I took the kids. 

It was nothing like I imagined. 100x times harder. And like a domino effect one thing after another took a down turn as the saying goes, when it rains, it pours.

I held the girls closely to my heart, since my head could not think.  All the miseries was so pressing, that my brain was buried in the rubble. All I had was my heart to protect the girls with all my might.  But they still got caught in the pain too, though not as bad.

But whatever that was happening, all I had in my mind was the girls' future, that is where everything went.

We moved houses like nomads, looking for a place to build our lives.  The girls grew in the car practically.  They ate, sang, read and play games in the car. We drove long distance, short distance, during the day and during the night.  There was a time when I did not have money, I had to go on the old road (no one knows where the old road is now) and not the highway. And once, on the highways when I did not have money to pay the toll, I gave the toll guy oranges instead. ( I told you Adi, depressing) and had even had paid in 50 pieces of 1 cents or just outrightly said, "Dek, akak tak bawak duit". Not to mentioned the car stopping on the road because it ran out of petrol, but luckily, always, luckily, we were not that far from a petrol station. The zikirs never fail.

Nowadays, Aishah's car stopped because she is too busy or too lazy to fill up. Its a good thing there are no 3 little ladies in the car with her.

Little Ladies

My friend from school, Adi, full name Fadzillah is the one who gave me the name Fish. For the simple reason that I like to eat fish. If she asks me what am I eating, it is always fish, so Fish I am to her. She encouraged me to write and use that name, hence came about this humble blog of mine.

She requested I write about life with my girls. Are you sure, Adi? We are not  the Gilmore Girls you know. We are mother and daughters in the real world of ups and downs, more down than up. You might fall asleep of boredom or have to bear reading about the difficulties.  I remember a book that I read when I was young called  Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.  Maybe I will call this segment, Little Ladies by Nor Fish Ismail. Only that they are no longer little, they are all taller than me.

                                                    Little Ladies

When the girls were young, driving them to school was  important to me.  I look forward to that particular time because that is the only way they cannot escape my lectures.  They are not going to jump out of the car when I go nag nag nag nag.   I will switch on something islamic or Quran recitation to realign their wavelength. No rock and roll  before  their studying.  No good. The Quran is light, lets get some light in their heads....

I was very involved in their studies.  More because I regretted not studying harder in school.  I am sure they were irritated by their mum who looks upon their homework like a person who had found some lost treasure or something. I go like, Waaahhh!!!! Homework!!!! I made sure they have enough pencils, erasers, sharpeners because being equipped with stationary makes a smoother study, without having to sprint everywhere in class to borrow from classmates. Its a student's tools. Like a carpenter and his tools.

I was taught very hard (not  just drummed into me, but hammered into me)  that food is very important by my ex-mother in law.(one of the best cooks in the world)  "Do not let your children salivate looking at other people's food." And since I grew up doing just that towards other people's food, because food is not 'that important' in our house,  I made sure that the girls always have enough to eat.  I did not cook that well, but I know what the girls like, and cooked the way they like, so much so that Aishah could not eat the food in Kuching because their omellete taste different from mine.

to be continued.....

                                       

Can you tell who is who here?

Feeling blue

How often does one feel blue?  If too often, means you might be down with depression.  Am I getting bouts of depression? I don't know, but I don't think so.  I know why I am feeling down but it is too private to tell. 

Shushu and Giogio always cheer me . Adi's habit of bugging me 4 times a day also cheers me up. But am still blue. I am supposed to go to jb to collect somethings and I wish this cloud will move away.

I wonder what can make me feel better? Any ideas anyone? Can someone tell me a joke? Or say some magic words?  What is it that I can do to make it go away? Eat ice-cream? If I show baskin robbins something pink on Wednesday I can get two scoops.
Shall I get a book by my fav author, Adibah Amin or Yan Martel? Shall I go to the hair saloon? Watch Korean movie?

May Allah accept what I am doing. May He help me to handle this after effects. Lahaulawalakuwataillabillah.

The man with a book

In my dreams, my ideal man reads. The men in my real life do not read, so the gap was always there.

Yesterday I saw a man with a book at the train station.  He looks like an ideal man. I asked him "what are you reading"? It was something of something. I was nervous, you see.

Finally I gave him my book with my blog add, which might be to him is  'child's work', since my blog is a simple blog.

I hope man with a book notes what is written on the bookmark. I hope he would finish reading the lovely malay book about the human spirit in the children.

Pesanan dari Ustazah Zaidah Darul Syifa'

Untuk di amalkan setiap hari

1.  Selalu beristighfar

2.  Membaca ayat kursi sebanyak 33 kali sehari. Untuk mereka  yang tidak biasa membacanya, baca 3 dahulu and tambah perlahan-lahan.

3.  Baca Al Waqiah sebelum tidur untuk memudahkan rezeki

4. Baca Subhanallah, Walhamdulillah, Lailahaillallah wallahuakbar 100x sehari supaya diberi kekuatan oleh Allah.

5.  Sentiasa berdoa pada Allah, supaya Allah memberi penyembuhan kerana penyembuhan itu pada kuasa Allah semata-mata.

6.  Baca Alamnasyroh untuk menenangkan hati yang risau.

7. Amalkan sembahyang sunat dhuha.

Syukur Alhamdulilah, walaupun kami tidak dapat berjumpa dengan Ustaz Harun Din sendiri kerana beliau di Mekah, (walaupun kami pergi untuk mendapatkan nombor pada pukul 3 pagi!) kami bersyukur Allah temukan kami dengan Ustazah yang telah bersusah payah merawat kami.  She was so caring dan motherly, masa dia pegang kepala dan menepuk dan melurut dada saya dengan bacaan AlQuran, rasa nak peluk-peluk dia...

Menyahtoxinkan badan kita

Menyahtoksinkan (betulke perkataan ni?) patut dicuba sehari pada hujung-hujung minggu  untuk menghilangkan toksin yang terkumpul dari permakanan dan carahidup masakini


Untuk sehari (caranya)

Diwaktu pagi
* mulakan dengan segelas air dan hirisan lemon
*Makan sekeping roti berserat
*30 minit senaman bertenaga seperti berjalan laju
*minum smoothie - buah atau sayuran yang dikisar
*berus kering kulit dengan berus rambut sebelum mandi untuk menghilangkan sel-sel 
  mati
*minum 2 gelas air untuk keluarkan toxin
*mandi menggunakan minyak beraroma
*basuh rambut
*bersenam atau workout atau kemaskan almari dan laci2 dapur.
*minum  segelas air lagi

Lewat pagi
*Minum segelas air

Tengahari
*segelas air
*makanan kamu suka yang sihat seperti salad, buah, kekacang

Lewat tengahari
* satu gelas air dengan hirisan lemon
*sejam riadah yang relakskan badan seperti taichi
*sebiji apple atau celery
*muhasabah diri dan hidup kita selama satu jam
*buat sup sayur dan makan dgn roti berserat

Awal petang
*segelas air
*20 minit skipping
*2o minit senaman regangkan anggota

Malam
*segelas air
*basuh muka dan mandi
*pastikan tiada apa yang boleh mengganggu tidur.
*Tidur awal
Saya belum cuba jadual ini lagi, tetapi selalu kisar air buah-buahan dan sayuran sebagai permulaan. Akan cuba esok lusa.....

Yang paling penting untuk kesihatan.

Tahu tak apa yang paling penting untuk menjaga kesihatan? Will power.

Kita telah baca beribu buku dan majalah dan mendengar berjuta nasihat supaya bersenam, kurangkan garam, gula dan lemak, lebihkan buahan dan sayuran segar, minum air yang cukup, tidur  yang cukup, jaga berat badan, tetapi, semuanya di amalkan secara hangat2 tahi ayam.

Badan kita ini berfungsi dengan terbaik, apabila diberi bahan permakanan yang terbaik dan cara hidup yang terbaik. Banyak mengikuti pantang larang kesihatan, fizikal and mental. Mungkin sehari dua ini saya rasakan ada penurunan pada tahap kesihatan saya, sebab itu saya menjadi takut.

Jadi, saya mesti ada will power untuk memperbaiki diri dan amalan harian supaya kesihatan tidak terus merosot. Tetapi sebaik-baiknya, mulalah dari muda lagi,  supaya terus maintain walaupun umur meningkat. Okay, start again....

Dr ctmm

Semalam saya ke hospital disebabkan sakit di bahu dan lengan.  Dr cantik tapi muka masam (dr ctmm)  kata, 'frozen shoulder, dah tak boleh buat ape-ape'.( Okay....?!) Saya di beri temujanji dua bulan lagi juga di suruh habiskan ubat yang ada. Saya minta untuk membuat 'blood test' , dr ctmm kata ' tak perlu'. Saya pun terangkan  sudah lama saya tak periksa kolestrol dan badan dan kepala selalu terasa berat . Dr ctmm pun tulis slip blood test untuk di buat seminggu sebelum temujanji 2 bulan lagi. Saya yang dah lama rasa tak begitu cergas dan belum makan apa2 (puasa untuk ambil darah) beri cadangan,  'buat hari  ni boleh?' 'Suka hati,' kata dr ctmm acuh tak acuh.

Kadang-kadang saya rasa orang yang bersikap direct and straight to the point seperti Dr ctmm sangat-sangat  intelligent, sehinggakan mereka mampu untuk 'be so direct', tak payah lagi 'waste time choosing the correct words' bila berdepan dengan 'seorang lagi' pesakit. 
Tetapi....bila kita berjumpa pula seorang doktor yang ambil berat perasaan orang lain dan usaha lebih sikit demi menjaga hati, walaupun sudah 'sampai telinga' dengan penyakit dan pesakit, maka kita boleh buat perbandingan, siapa yang ada 'the touch' and siapa yang 'just a doctor'.

So, when a patient comes to you all sick and broken, you are supposed to mend them, with your skills and your words. If you cannot find the right words, just smile and bear it sebab seorang pesakit itu selalunya sakit. Kalau tidak, masakan di panggil pesakit. Mestilah di panggil pesihat.