This Ramadhan

I have not been able to write much about Ramadhan, and not in position to tazkirah since my ibadat is so poor .  There is too much going on in my head and in my heart.

Dashed hopes, sprouting new hopes, news of sickness and deaths, making big decisions, terminations,  new deals like purchasing qoroh :),  peri menapausal symtoms of prolonged menstruation, able to fast so far for only 9 days, tampering in biscuit selling,  and the usual never ending running around, the morals are low this month.

I was writing on forgiveness.  I know one thing about forgiveness, it takes away alot of burden from the heart.  If we forgive someone who had done us wrong or is forgiven by someone whom we have done wrong, our heart feels free and light, the memory of what took place is deleted and it increases the space in our heart, just like the computer.  

Sometimes, we can forgive, but finds difficulty forgetting.  It means we forgive only a little, maybe 10%. We should try to forgive more in percentage.

My ibadat is so poor this month.  I have to thank Shushu and Giogio for waking me up on the 10 last nights, eventhough I cannot fast, to look out at the sky at the balcony to see whether its LailatulQodar. Only Allah knows.   Then I doa and seek forgiveness from Allah. The way I am going, I have to do extra ibadat into the month of Syawal to make up for the low pahala of my Ramadhan.

If we do not know Allah, how would we ever cope with life's 'onak dan duri.'  For Allah to take care of us, we have to take care of Allah.

Ramadhan is the most auspicious month for it is a month we fullfill one of the Rukun Islam, most probably the hardest. Being hungry and abstaining from our desires. Desires that would ride us, if we do not hold their reigns. And fasting is the best way to reproach our desires so it does not go out of control, or out of the permissable.

So when hari raya comes, the desires had been ploughed and managed, done enough terawih, paid our zakats,  heart is willing to forgive and forget,we are all ready to move on on better footing as a  slave of Allah, a muslim, a person.