Dear Xinli

I just want you to know that last week I spoke to the fireworks manufacturer to produce alot of fireworks.
I told him to make big ones and small ones.

Then I called Najib and told him to instruct all states to shoot fireworks at 12 for you. He asked me why. I said that you are the fourth X that I know in my life.  The others are Xmas, Xylaphone and Xray.

He was not convinced or amused.  So I told him that you are a very good doctor.  And God knows how hard that is to come by.  And because he just recovered from chicken pox, he sort of softened by my  reason.  I went on, 'we have alot of artis and the followers of the  artis, throw in business people, and IT people, loafers and bumpkins, but we are always short of doctors and people get sick every other minute. Pleeeze....

So how good is she, Najib asked.  I said, I guarantee she has what it takes.  And judging from her friends, she is a blessing to the nation.  Pleeeze....

Finally he said ok and tonight, when we see fireworks, from your end and  from my end, please note they are for you on your birthday.  The small ones or the ones that did not go off are for 2011.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

fog

Last few days I got nice sentences with the word fog.  Fog like many other nature attributes can be wonderful metaphors when we write.  Fog, like rainbow, spring, clouds, rain and the sun symbolizes many things and feelings because they are part and parcel of our world.

Tak kan lari gunung di kejar
Hilang kabus nampak lah ia

You do not have to chase a mountain
When the fog fades away, it will be seen

The line 'when the fog is lifted' in the song in the cartoon movie Repunzal is about seeing something you have not seen before.  It goes this way too, seeing something which is there for the first time.

So, have you ever been foggy?  I have. Big time foggy. I was one Foggy Froggy.

I use to go by my instinct to judge something until I realised too late, my instinct is  wrong. Or come to think of it,  I was right,  but only to a certain point, a very small aspect, but....on the whole....WRONG. Huhu.

Sometimes, the fog clears after life gives you a slap on the face.

What takes for the fog to clear? Opening our eyes.  Learning from mistakes.  Accepting facts no matter how much it hurts.  Being brave. Being honest. Having a clean heart.  Through prayers.

........................

When I was young I couldn’t wait to be a grown up. I wanted to do what I could not do then. I wanted to feel the thrill of doing exciting things. Of having things under control. I wanted my own stuff that I didn’t need to share with my siblings. I wanted to make my own money so that I didn’t have to keep asking. I wanted to make my own decisions without listening to the nags. I wanted to get rid of the school uniforms. I wanted to drive a car. I wanted to fly a plane. I wanted to ride an adult roller coaster. I wanted to go wherever I want, no strings attached. I wanted this. I wanted that.

Now I’m a grown up. And what I want now, is to be a child again.

Playing and running free.

Singing along with Timon, Pumba and Simba:

“Hakuna Matata…”

“It means no worries…for the rest of your dayyyyysssss..”

If only I can turn back time.

Sigh.

I want to sail. But I'm trapped in a bottle.

I guess, Life goes on, huh?

So many beautiful people

I don't think I can stop writing for too long.  Aishah is right, itchy fingers.  Itchy to write something, long or short.

I am back in kl from kb. Still unsure of what 2011 would be like, in terms of big decisions.  With 2 aunties here for wedding and shopping purposes, I am very busy to keep them entertained.

On Saturday I was to escort Aunty Yah to her niece's wedding from her father' side. Ok, can do.  The wedding was at Kerinchi Community Hall at Lembah Pantai, an elegant building at the end of the road.  The theme was white and light blue,  the dais  white and blue under one big four post and 2 small four post, draped with white chiffon with fresh flowers, also white and blue on both sides.  Blue being one of my favourite colours, everything was beautiful to my eyes. So many beautiful people, dressed in their best, but I knew no one, and no one knew me.

Last night Sunday, I was invited to take over 2 sittings at a grand wedding with Aunty Yah since Shima is down with chicken pox,  held at One World Hotel Ballroom in Damansara Utama.  More beautiful people this time the theme is pink.  Pink roses and maroon dahlias permeates the hall, dais in apple green flowing satin backdrop and pink columns with pink and maroon flowers on top.

We sat with Abang Mi's family who oozes wealth by their jewelleries and beautiful clothes. Just my luck, I was so busy, I did not even have time to buy clothes knowing full well I have to sit among these people!! Alamak! Never mind, wearing whatever buju kurung that I have and the same slippers I go to the market with, I just traipsed into the ballroom, ready to be wallpaper. No one knows me here too and vice versa.

I just realize I really do not know many people.....

Kepada Andrea

Kepada Andrea yang tidak mengenali ku

Kalaulah kamu membaca warkah ini, buat mu, dari seorang insan yang mempunyai hati untuk menulis, walaupun bakat tidak seberapa.  Tidak seperti kamu. Tidak ape ya, biarkan saja aku berangan bersama anak-anak ku, kerana kau kan percaya pada mimpi. (impian, bukan mimpi tidur)

Aku amat meminati buku-buku mu. Buku-buku mu menyentuh samudra hati ku, yang dalam dan yang cetek, sehinggakan apabila ku membacanya, ada ketika airmata ku mengalir dan ada kala aku ketawa sendirian, senyum sendirian, sehinggakan aku terpanggil untuk menulis coretan ini.

Dari cerita-cerita kamu, kamu telah memberi aku signal-signal penting.  Bagaimana jadi begitu ya, sedangkan ia hanya sebuah buku dan aku seorang insan yang tidak berhubung langsung dengan mu. Agaknya itu lah rahsia tentang keikhlasan dalam penulisan yang datang dari hati, sehingga ia mampu mengetuk pintu hati orang lain.

Bila kau menceritakan tentang ayah mu amat kamu kasihi, aku amat faham bagaimana kasih ayah mu itu telah menghangatkan hati mu dan mencengkam hati mu dengan kasihnya walaupun beliau jarang berkata-kata. Kerana buat ku, kasih sayang itu bukan ungkapan kata-kata, tetapi perbuatan.  Banyak ibu-bapa yang mencurah anak-anak dengan ungkapan yang kosong, hanya di bibir, sekadar untuk menggantikan diri mereka yang tidak punya masa buat anak mereka.  Kau sungguh beruntung, Andrea.

Bila kau ceritakan tentang ibu-bapa mu, aku dapat menangkap bahawa kau dari satu keluarga yang utuh, walaupun miskin.  Apa gunanya kekayaan sekiranya  rumahtangga porak peranda.

Kau berkerja keras dari kecil sehingga kau dapat membiayai pengajian mu.  Segala usaha mu membanting tulang, memerah keringat telah di makbulkan Allah untuk kamu mencapai cita-cita mu sehingga kau berjaya hari ini.  Sebab itu, rezeki yang paling baik adalah rezeki yang di dapati dari tulang empat kerat, dari titik peluh kita yang di berkati Allah.  Dari usaha yang murni akan hasilkan sikap-sikap yang murni jua.

Kadang-kadang duit pemberian yang banyak datang dengan syarat-syarat yang banyak. Apa rasanya untuk berjaya dengan hasil sendiri, bebas merdeka.

Kamu ada kampung halaman yang telah memberi kamu satu definasi.  Kalau lah kau tahu orang-orang yang tidak rasa dia sebahagian dari mana-mana tempat. Mencari dan mencari,  entah apa.   Alangkah harunya. Adakah ia salah satu dari 44 kegilaan yang kau tulis itu?

Kami yang mahu menulis sedang merangkak, kau sudah terbang di angkasa, kerana kau menjejak mimpi mu.  Ada insan, tangan di ikat di langit , kaki di pasak ke bumi, tidak mampu bergerak jauh. Aku hanya menulis dari jendela ku.

Hanya aku doakan kamu jangan lepaskan hukum-hukum Allah, sebagai paksi hidup, kerana ramai penulis yang sesat kerana terlalu tinggi terbang menjulang.  Aku sebagai peminat setia mu mendoakan kamu sentiasa di perlihara Allah swt dan dalam hidup ini dan terima kasih kerana telah meleraikan banyak simpulan-simpulan  hati ku apabila aku menjumpai banyak signal-signal dari buku mu dari apa yang kamu dapati ketika kamu mengejar mimpi-mimpi mu.

Aku juga telah menukar nama ku sebanyak 3 kali.

Peminat mu, Noris Rashidah Nor Izzah.

SPECIAL EDITION

BILIK 1, HOSPITAL KOTA BHARU

I volunteered to watch over Siti Nor Hidayat, my little cousin, in the ward for suspected denggi  since my Uncle Din is bedridden and cannot be left unattended.

Having a thing for hospitals and all in it, (some subconsious link not analysed) it is a breeze for me. Making her take liquids  (water thrusted to her face every 30 mins and then 20 min intervals)popping cadbury chocolate in her mouth when she does not have appetite to eat, and changing it to keropok when she had enough cadbury, sponging her when the temp got too high, checking if the drip is dripping, like they say...a piece of cake. A other relatives thought I was 'queer' for looking as though I was enjoying it.

Bed 1, Norfatin, has renal failure. At 20 she can only take carbs and a small cup of water. So kesian. Measure intake, measure urine, it is not easy.  A student nurse, the other student nurses flocks to her bed and smother her with their 'care' and kept the ward really cheerful and noisy.

Bed 2. Siti Nor Hidayat, very high fever, suspected denggi and not proven till discharged. Lanky, pretty and serious.  The male nurses asked her if she is the one taking stpm at the hospital.  She is only 12.

Bed 3. Kak Ha whom I befriended and gave me many recipes.  Typhoid.  First few days of high fever, given no medication. Just sponging and sponging. I gave her coolents to put on forehead. When fever subsided, given many medication.  Must have a reason.

Bed 4. Name too faint to read. Swallowed 15 panadols at one go. Major tiff with mum. hmm..Won't change into hospital gear. Wears hospital shirt on her clothes.  Hmm...

Bed 5 Kak Mariam. Multiple sickness. Must have a big family. Her bedside companion  changes everynight, man, young man, boy, fat lady, thin lady.

Bed 6.  Wardina. Denggi. Comes with a husband who snores, hugs the wife alot, whispering and snuggling close that Kak Mariam closes the curtain on them.  Husband does not wake up until 12pm, with whole head covered in blanket, half body on chair, half body on bed.

Last night was so cold, I could not sleep at all. Went out from the ward, sat on a nurse's chair and read 'Sang Pemimpi' (his 4th book)  by Andrea Hirata till 5 am.

Today, after 4 days, Hidayat is discharged.

Special Edition 2

THE OLD SHINE

Yesterday my new friend and I went up the house to clean up

It is in a sorry state, and our feet were black due to the dirt

Curtains caked by many years of dust and neglect

The air damp by closed windows and lifelessness

This morning, we went to buy RM100 worth of cleaning materials

Mop, brooms, soaps, gloves, brush

Sweeping, wiping, moping, dusting

To bring out the old shine

Cobwebs everywhere, listless but stubborn

Cobwebs in the heart were harder to sweep away

Memories came flooding back, together with

The smells of those days when we were staying here

The old clothes, the old handbags, the old bed

The pictures were louder

The cups we used

The dull crokery we left behind

This is what they say that what is yours will never leave you and what is not will never be yours

These dusty musty lack luster bricks and bracks

Never went away

And for what I did not achieve to get, these things never went away

To Mama with Love

Dearest Mama,

Go wherever you wish

For you are wounded, battle scarred

Leaving reluctant hearts behind

But

Our hugs and kisses are always with you

We shall patiently wait

For a new dawn each day

And watch the tiny sprouts

Evolving into blossomed tulips

And

We shall wait for your return

To embrace the long awaited bliss

Making way for next year

For one year I have been writing in this blog.  To whoever read it, my thanks for your time.

I will be hibernating this december so I guess this is the end of this episode.

My apologise to all for any mistakes and I hope my I have done no one wrong. 

Thank you, my darlings.