Ways to get through a loss.

The river of life is a long one.  There you are on a raft, sailing along, not knowing what is infront of you.  There will be smooth sails and turbulant sails for sure, knocking  and jolting over rocks or fallen logs or maybe going into its craters and potholes. This is when you have to use your skills to get back your balance and to forge ahead, never to sink.  Then what would you do when infront of you is a huge rumbling water fall,  and turning back in not an option. Fight the currents or preparing to fall, which ever way, would call for your highest survival skills.  Fell you did, injured and broken, but not dead.

Thats the river of life.  Heartaches, losses, failures, sickness, knock us senseless.  What would you do? Do you have the ability to bounce back? Do you have the determination to try again and again until you have beaten the odds?  Some have and some don't.

When you fall, it is always deep and dark.  You see no way out, unless you want to survive.

There are so many books to help you.  Or maybe you have people who would throw you a line. There are professionals that you can seek for counsel. Many offers of help out there.

The western remedies are everywhere.  The 'western knowledge' are by far the vastest and the easiest to get hold of. Self-help, motivation, psychology, positive thinking, Dale Carnagie, so many doctors' books to help save the world.  And they are indeed a great source of help and reference.

There is also the Islamic way of help.  There are books, unfortunately not as many as the english ones here in our country. Dr Aidh Al-Qarni's books are highly recommended.

I am going through some losses at the moment. A fair share this year.  Some by their demise, and some by circumstances. 

And my humble and limited self here, would like to make some comparison between the western ways and the Islamic way to healing. These are my homespun views if I may say so. I think it is important to spread the Islamic way  as a form of 'dakwah'.

The western way would be by being positive and by tapping  all your strength and by pulling all your stops onto your insights to maximise your possibilities. There will be many doctrines, theories and well tested hypothesises by great and brilliant thinkers. We just have to know what works for us.

Its alot simpler in Islam. Very fast consistent rules. To practice a few steps.

First and foremost, is to be connected to our creator, Allah Subhanahuwataala with Iman.   If there are no connection whatsoever, it would be impossible to seek, right? Seek what?

And Allah says, in the meaning, "Seek help in patience and prayers". "Verily Allah is with those who are patient".

That's 2nd step.  Patience. To wait it out, to lie low, to stay calm and collected. To stop short of any unappropriate actions and outrage. When people are in pain, the first reaction would be to destruct. Hurt yourself, hurt others. When we are patient, we do not get worked up, and effect our ability to think. On that patient mode, we keep going, not upsetting more apple carts. Minimizing other damages.  Being patient is like putting on a satin lining over your emotions that stops our strength from depleting or seeping out.  It keeps everything down to stay intact. Preservation.  Then slowly, slowly, the pain subsides, you would be your own hero, to be able to get through the worse part of it.

3rd step. Prayers. Its a natural instinct to pray. All humans pray at some time of their life.  Whether you are a believer or not.  Everyone says Oh God!!!  As a Muslim we pray 5 times a day.  Because a human, when they have a place to turn to, we are stronger.  We are never alone  or lost. We have The Almighty to depend on.  Once I asked an orphan, Kimi, how many friends does he have.  He said two.  This boy and Allah.  Five times a day of aligning your thoughts, five times of putting forth your problems to Him, five times of unloading your burden to Him.  Five times of knowing, He would help and shed you some light.  How else would help if not through prayers?

Then there is the Zikir, remembering Allah.  Islam says it is through zikir that our heart is at peace.  Our heart beats nonstop.  Feels nonstop. When does it rest? Even when we sleep, it keeps on going. It rest when we think of Allah, with the act of repeating his name,  by reading the Quran, of looking at the signs of His existance and greatness. When the heart is at peace, there would be strength.  No need to drink alcohol to numb off the pain or to forget it for a few hours until the alcohol subsides and the problems come back.  No need to smoke it out of your system. No need to take drugs to feel a high over too many lows. And to cut down on the anti-depressants.  Allah has given the Quran as a balm or antidote to the believers.

When we lose something we read "Innalillawainnailaihiroji'un" that means, we are from Allah, and therefore  we all return to him. Nothing last forever.  Do not take it too hard, it is not yours in the first place. Allah gives and Allah takes back when He deemed fit. With that reason, we can comprehend why things happen.  Or we would wonder till we lose our heads.

Islam says that we would all be tested in life but Allah will show the way to the believers. Having faith in that, there is hope. And hope is what makes us strong and gives us courage.  That is Allah's promise that there would always be help, when we believe in Him. And if Allah says there is a way, THERE IS A WAY.

And to always be grateful.  I have read many western motivational books and in the internet on how to be happy. How to have a good life.  And I came across many of the writers or doctors who promote the act of being grateful or, bersyukur.  It is found that being grateful makes life more  meaningful. In Islam, if we are grateful. Allah says He would add on to your providence.  One door close, be grateful and other door opens.  Lose something, be grateful for other things and Allah gives you more other things. Because no one has nothing.  All of us have something good.  There is always something to be grateful for.  No matter how insignificant it is to us or to others.  If we lose our thankfulness, means we could no longer see the other good things in our life.  And eventually lose those too.

So the Islamic way to healing is easier than you think.  Amyone can do it, and you do not have to read so many books.

business, raya, engagement, birthday

So many things to write about.

Last Ramadhan I took a stall at Amcorp Mall and sold hari raya cookies.  Before this, my means of business would be selling Hajar's choc chip cookies at the flea market  during weekends, but this time, something happened that calls for a diversion from the problem, has me jumping into the small timer, one-women show  business for a whole month.  All in all, the experience was quite valuable for I have discovered in me, that I do have some natural aptitude for business.  I could do it again.

I met nice people in this line, old timers whose advice I would keep.  I learnt hands-on the know-hows of selling. The dos and don'ts but most of all, the realities of it all. My strengths and weaknesses, peoples' wants and tendencies, about money, about marketing.  The way to promote your product, your ability to persuade people to buy and what it takes.  Shyness, has to be extinguished. You need thick skin for business, to bring or push your stuff to your customers or if you are not,  the showroom way would be more suitable, wait for the customers to come.  For me the latter, since I am new at this and my skin is still thin.  What ever your style, drive is number one rule to sell.

Now since this interest in business has been tapped, I would be selling this and that from now on.  I have keropok in my car boot if anybody wants.  $7.50 per pack.

Then hariraya was near and I have to pack up my table earlier since I needed time to prepare.  Most of the days of Ramadhan I was at the mall. I had to get ready the hariraya stuff.  Tumblers for the cookies, new table cloth, new curtains etc.  To make sure we have everything that makes it hariraya. This year,  I also have an additional member to the family, Picipu's husband, Hafiz Firdaus.

Hariraya was quiet.  My brothers spent it with their wives' side and on 2nd day, Abang and whole family set  off to Gold Coast Australia for their holidays, so it was just me and my sister and a very quiet KL.  It brought a lump to my throat early that morning to be so devoid of the festive air and merriment since here up in Bukit Kerinchi, on hariraya, there is not much movement. It is a good thing that as a city girl without a kampung, I am use to such a sorry hariraya.  This is all that we have girls, so, cheer up and be grateful. Then things picked up. Relatives came, we went to their houses, and we played fireworks.  I was grateful, I am grateful and will always be grateful.

This raya also had me cat-sitting for Kak Rosie who has a kampung. I agreed to look after a mother cat with 4 extremely cute just born kittens, whom I named Meg, Carly, Emily, Nikki and Rocco from the show My Kitchen Rules on Astro Diva channel.  These cats was a balm to my soul since I was going through some sadness.  While others raised their brows at me having to go to feed the cats and on the way back, feed other cats in this area since most of the eateries were closed, I was happy to see such cute creatures twice a day.


After the first few days, I had to regain my energy for Mimi's engagement on the 1st of Sept.  We began  preparing for the whole kenduri.  Many things to plan, many things to do.  I must acquire Herculean strength for such an auspicious family event.  My baby girl has been plucked to be married.  The 3rd of such event this year. Third!!!

Here we go again, the guests, the 'gubahan', the caterers, the door gifts, the room, the 'baju'. Mummy must take out her magic wand again and poof everything to be in its place.

It turned out a happy and beautiful event with the groom-to-be whom I know since he was 15, comes  grinning to the kenduri,  'sedondon' when customarily , he does not attend, but represented.  These two childhood sweethearts were too adorable to be penalized, so we all just enjoyed ourselves, celebrating their union and future marriage, InsyaAllah.

Four days later on the 5th September, Bah came to pick us up for lunch with me forgetting it was her birthday.  We went to Mid Valley, had lunch and due to post-kenduri tiredness, bought 15 types of pretty and yummy looking food as we window shop till night.  Like what? Like macaroons, durian moshi, little pancakes, creampuffs, Auntie Anne's choc dip, baked sweet potato to name half.   Buy one and share among 3 of us  so that we minimize the size of our intake.

Still tired and so much more to live for.